Sunshine ALL the time makes a desert

"Sunshine all the time makes a desert." -Arabian proverb

As more and more of my senses disappear and pain takes its place, I've been thinking a lot about how figuratively my senses seem to increase. I know it makes no sense, but let me explain.

The less I can physically see, the more I see of what really matters in life.
The less I can physically hear, the more I try to listen and hear from above instead of the chaos around me.
The less I can physically feel, the more I feel emotionally and spiritually (if I allow it).
The less I can physically taste, the more I re-evaluate what I take in.
The less I can smell...well, I was born without a real sense of smell. I have never smelled flowers, rain, dirt, or much of anything. But I do have a killer sense of intuition and can smell dishonesty and sneaky things pretty early on. Maybe before we came to earth I traded 3/4 of my sense of smell for an increased dose of my 6th sense.

Truth be told, the more time goes on, the more my surgery has made things worse for me. I now constantly feel like someone is kicking in my front 4 teeth and someone is yanking out my lower jaw & teeth and someone won't stop punching me in the face. Some of the burning has been replaced by stinging (tip of my tongue and a spot by my chin switches between burning, stinking, and aching). I still can't really hear out of my right ear. I struggle immensely talking, yawning, eating, etc because it increases the stabbing and burning pains. I also thought not being able to taste things very well would be great for me! I'd lose my desire to eat and lose weight. While I did cut down on things I ate, I didn't lose weight. AND lately I've wanted to eat more to try to taste more like I used to. These are new issues and not the end of the world. It's the constant pain and wondering if there is any relief on the horizon that has been the issue.

BUT, I've been TOO BLESSED TO BE STRESSED. (I'm still operating at about 98% happy 2% depressed). Anytime I feel like I have reached the pinnacle of my pain & suffering, someone lends a helping hand or words of encouragement to lead me away from the edge. It has been amazing how inspired many of my friends and family have been. They have been my sunshine in my dark, dark days.

In a few days it will be GROUNDHOG day. This is folklore that says if the sky is CLOUDY when the groundhog emerges, Spring is around the corner. However, if it is SUNNY, the groundhog sees his shadow, retreats, and Winter persists for 6 more weeks. 2-2 is the day and many people can relate more to the Movie than actually watching Punxsutawney Phil explore his world. Isn't it almost comical and twisted that if it's cloudy, good is coming soon? And if its sunny, instead of enjoying the warmth, the groundhog retreats and coldness ensues? Maybe my life is a little too much like both Punxatawney Phil and the movie, "Groundhog Day." My lessons of numbness, loss, and pain repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat...you'd think I would have learned my lessons to move on to the 3rd. haha. The 3rd of February, by the way, is the day I meet again with the neurosurgeon. I have held onto this day for almost 2 weeks now. Boy, do I have questions!!!

Growing up in the desert, I didn't thoroughly experience all 4 seasons like many others in various parts of the country do. Some plants and animals have adapted to survive in the desert, but as a whole it's dry, dirty, and not as full of life as other biomes. Sometimes we may hate the cloudy, gloomy, darkened days environmentally speaking and mentally speaking as well. BUT, because of the rain, we get growth. We appreciate the sun. The light at the end of the tunnel, in a matter of speaking, breaks through into our view. We all have seasons in our life and they will pass. Sometimes the rain lasts so much longer than we anticipated and the damage that it can cause may seem insurmountable. We may not even feel the sun or see the sun, but it is always there. 

So, for the last 2% of my struggle (which may never fully disappear, because honestly these new trials are tough). I'm going to do a 2-2 challenge for myself and invite anyone interested in increasing their joy, gratitude, and LIGHT into their lives, I'd love to walk the journey with you. 

Starting on 2-2, 2 goals for the soul til 2-22. 
Write, record, picture, whatever---2 good things that happened that day. 
Something good for the body. (Same thing for 22 days).

My dear friend, Rebecca shared, while fighting a huge battle with cancer, "TOO BLESSED to be STRESSED." Connecting with others and focusing on my many blessings has saved my life and greatly reduced my stress. I decided to take matters into my own hands and shake off the last 2%. Maybe it will work, and maybe it won't. But I've got to try to increase the light and joy in my life, since so much has been sucked out. I may not be able to do so much of what I used to do that brought me peace and joy. Snowboarding, traveling, photography, camping, swimming, humanitarian work, visiting family, throwing parties, scrapbooking, walking, or even little things like reading or writing sometimes. There may be VERY few things left in life that physically bring me joy or relief. But, I do find joy in each day. Typically it is my husband, daughter, family (parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles), and friends. However, it is usually focused on others and rarely on me. So, I'm going to take more time to focus on not just BARELY getting by, but on filling ME up. 

I'm not going to shirk from the shadows. I'm not going to mope around in gloomy weather. 

Goals for 2-2 to 2-22: EVERY DAY:::
1) Picture or journal TWO things that reminded me of God's love or made me happy.
2) 20/20 for clearer vision: 20 minutes reading scriptures & prayer with 20 minutes of stretching or yoga or visualization depending on my strength and abilities. (I will also be fueling my body with WFPB and decreasing my refined sugar intake). 

This is my "Joy" box I've filled since college of sweet messages from friends or family.
Bring on the LIGHT, SUNSHINE, and JOY!